This guy is waiting for me to finish using the toilet and he can see me thru a crack in the stall and while I’m putting my pants on he screams ooh mommie pants!

Continue reading →

What do I have against Merlot?  It has an inelegance to it that I can’t quite put into words,  a brashness that I find neither refreshing nor amusing.  It’s ignorant.  It’s trashy.  It doesn’t know that it doesn’t know any better.  Neither do it’s drinkers.

 

 

via Yahoo.

Quit making bullshit national holidays for character traits we should be displaying on a daily basis anyway (World Kindness Day Nov. 13), for people we should be acknowledging without needing to be reminded (National Grandparents Day Sept.13), and indulgent unhealthy habits just because they’re American (National Donut Day June 3).

Not to say anything bad about those things but do we  REALLY need a day to be set aside to celebrate these things – just go live them, those are easy. ..c’mon put a little more thought into it people… I want to make one up, how about prostitutes day?  THERE’s one group that’s often easily overlooked because, ew. Or junkie day, everybody go out and find yourself a meth junkie and Rob an electronics store or a pharmacy and stay up for 72 hours straight with them. Those would be days to set aside special now. That would require a little more effort, a little more creative energy to get through. Because after all that’s what celebrating holidays is all about, the discomfort, the potential for drama, the extreme pressure of requiring a ridiculously unrealistic amount of tolerance for one another.

via Climate Change Health Risk Is a ‘Medical Emergency,’ Experts Warn.

The world is changing.  Possibly ending.  For us. Sentient human beings.  Everyday my little life seems to be running away from me like wild horses over the hills.  My children are so magical to me.  They make me at once make me feel elated with joy and lost in despair.

My 6 year old son asked me yesterday. “Can you remember people when you die?”

“Why do you ask such things?” I try to avoid his question.

“Because,” he says, his voice quivering, lip trembling, ” I don’t want to forget you when I die”.

I held him tight so that he wouldn’t see me cry and said “Yes, you remember everything.” I’m not particularly religious but I do believe in spirituality.  I believe God is humanity in its most humane form.  I believe in trying your best to be good as much as you can.  So because of this, I can tell him, without feeling at all like I’m lying or misleading him, that there is a God, that we become spirits when we die and that we evolved from apes and need to also take care of the air, land and water that we live on and believe in science.

Pope Francis is wonderful.  It feels so good to say that.  I feel so proud that he has been the most powerful person to actually admit that climate change is real and that we have brought it upon the earth because of our human ways.  NOT our humane ways, which make us more god-like, not by sharing and caring for other human beings and acting out of love for others.  But because of our disgusting human ways of always wanting more and bigger for ourselves, with no mind on those around us that are going without.  It’s the Pope who is finally saying society is going in the wrong direction.  I just felt so relieved that someone else said it, it wasn’t just me thinking it.  Whatever happens now, I’m finally vindicated.  For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Your Holiness.

My 3 year old daughter sight read the word “restaurant” from across a parking lot today.  Far as I know nobody specifically taught her how to read that word.  She was staring out the window of the car as I parked and she said  “what’s a restaurant?”  I looked up and saw her staring at a DQ and there it was the word “restaurant”. I was in shock but I asked her, ” Why, do you see the word restaurant somewhere?”  and she smiled and yelled, “right there” and pointed at the DQ.  WHOA.

These little things that they do.

Everyday.

Pau says today, “I don’t like 3 day weekends, because the days go by faster when we get to stay home and do what we want.

Liv laughed after seeing a Car-to-Go driving on the highway next to us, “that car don’t have a back on it!”

Liv laughed at me answering Pau’s question about the food I was eating.  “Is it spicy?”he asked.  I start to answer but don’t finish my sentence: “It’s spicy, but…” Then she busts out in laughter: “you said spicy butt!”

I have to hold on to these little things before they slip through my fingers and disappear into the ether.

That’s really all what makes life worth living, really.  So I love to hear the music of the musicians that I love. What makes me even more excited is to imagine my fave rock stars hanging out with each other in a romantic way.  So romantic that they in fact turn into ordinary little couples that care about each other and want to cuddle and talk to one another for hours and eventually even make babies together and maybe finally have mundane little lives with children and dogs and a mortgage like me and then I can really feel truly connected to them in the most wonderfully banal way.

It doesn’t matter if in real life they’re already married to someone else or what their sexual orientation might be.  I just want to imagine these people for just a moment as the perfect couple who are incredibly god-like at making music and are also down to earth enough to be looking for love.

These are the imaginary couples who immediately come to mind when I entertain these little musician love fest fantasies.

1) Jim James/Angel Olsen

The child that would come from this couple would definitely have some chops, both vocally and facial hair-wise.  The beautiful ethereal sound produced when these two made love would be enough to rattle the heavens and bring the gods to their knees in tears.  It’s as if you are hearing directly from their souls when they open their mouths to sing. Try these links to decide for yourself:

Angel singing her song The Waiting. Live or recorded, she’s great!

Some great vocal work by Jim from the album Circuital.

2) Father John Misty/St. Vincent

Nothing holier than this union.  The kid born from this duo would have a biting wit and a keen eye for calling out bullshit.  They would have a luxurious singing voice and wicked guitar shredding skills (from mom, obviously).  Finally, mom and dad would bestow upon the child a serious stare and a sharp tongue fit to snap any little minions back into place whenever needed to maintain order.

Father John Misty from Fear Fun here.

A great example of St. Vincent shredding it.

3)Carrie Brownstein/Hamilton Leithauser

While these two maybe don’t have a whole lot in common, except writing good lyrics and making a hella lotta noise with their bands, I thought they had good chemistry when I heard Carrie interview Hamilton on Soundcloud.com.  She complimented him, he sounded genuinely flattered and lost for words.  It was sweet.  It made me want to watch them in a romantic comedy which tickled me to no end.

Watch a vid from Hamilton’s solo album here.

See Carrie with her band Sleater Kinney on Letterman recently.

Fun with music stars.  I could do this all day.

I don’t know where to start.

Well, for one, I can’t believe one of my all-time favorite go-to comedians to reference is a serial rapist.

This really ruins things for me, Bill.

You were right up there with Mel Brooks,Groucho Marx, and The Three Stooges.  You were part of the foundation of humor that informed my whole life.

When I was going to have my first child, I re-watched Bill Cosby Himself and was overjoyed with laughter at the wisdom and truth of your parental anecdotes and observations.

That same comedy special of yours brought me tears of laughter when I was a kid and my folks would watch it as I related to your descriptions of your dad who farted like mine did and the guy at the bar who drank too much in the most hilarious way like my dad did. It made me understand my world better, funnier.

Now that I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old, I feel even more validated by your parenting stories.  I’ve heard my kids say similar phrases to: “I’m 4 years old…” like that hyperactive little Jeffrey from the airplane, and, “I was getting a cookie for you!” like your little one who couldn’t stay out of the cookie jar.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  From the way it looks, I’m not sure you’re capable of feeling at all.  A man who has treated so many women, over decades, like nothing more than rags to relieve himself into, no better than a bit of toilet paper to wipe himself off with, can’t have feelings the way other people do.  He’s gotta have something dead inside.

I keep asking myself: how can this be true?  How can you, who created such beautiful comedy about life and love and marriage and children and intellect, also have in you the ability to just shut off your humanity like that?  Just become numb to what you’re doing to another human being right in front you, who trusts you, who admires you, who wants your help?  That’s pretty brutal. How can a father to four daughters, a husband with a smart and beautiful wife do such dirty, vile, callous things to women?  I’m no prude, I’ve nothing against doing dirty and vile things, but Bill, I do believe everyone involved should be conscious!

You did create all that comedy, and you did create all that tragedy.  Being as intelligent as you are I’m sure you’ve thought about it over the years.  The irony, the hypocrisy, the hostility of your acts must have kept you up nights.  Where did you put it all?

Maybe you didn’t put it anywhere and that’s what kept you going.  You chose not to process it because you knew what that would make you: not a loving father, not a devoted husband, not a thoughtful comic, nothing short of a monster.  So, you kept at it, thinking if you were really all that bad someone would stop you, right?

Maybe that’s why you related those stories about your kids so well.  It was really you who couldn’t keep his hands out of the cookie jar.  There never was any real genius observation behind your comedy.  It was really just you that you were talking about all along.

Some friends of mine recently had a baby and we went to see him for the first time.  I found myself starting to reference one of your jokes about being a new parent and I started, “It’s like that Bill Cosby joke…” and at the mention of your name suddenly everyone’s face grew deadpan.  The smiles dropped.
The joy was sucked out of the air.  Time stopped.  I felt ashamed that I had uttered such a dirty word in front of their newborn child.

That’s what your legacy is now, Bill.

Maybe it won’t be in 50 years or 100 years, but right now, while you live out the remainder of your sad silly life, that’s what people will
do when someone says, “Bill Cosby”.