I don’t know where to start.

Well, for one, I can’t believe one of my all-time favorite go-to comedians to reference is a serial rapist.

This really ruins things for me, Bill.

You were right up there with Mel Brooks,Groucho Marx, and The Three Stooges.  You were part of the foundation of humor that informed my whole life.

When I was going to have my first child, I re-watched Bill Cosby Himself and was overjoyed with laughter at the wisdom and truth of your parental anecdotes and observations.

That same comedy special of yours brought me tears of laughter when I was a kid and my folks would watch it as I related to your descriptions of your dad who farted like mine did and the guy at the bar who drank too much in the most hilarious way like my dad did. It made me understand my world better, funnier.

Now that I have a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old, I feel even more validated by your parenting stories.  I’ve heard my kids say similar phrases to: “I’m 4 years old…” like that hyperactive little Jeffrey from the airplane, and, “I was getting a cookie for you!” like your little one who couldn’t stay out of the cookie jar.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  From the way it looks, I’m not sure you’re capable of feeling at all.  A man who has treated so many women, over decades, like nothing more than rags to relieve himself into, no better than a bit of toilet paper to wipe himself off with, can’t have feelings the way other people do.  He’s gotta have something dead inside.

I keep asking myself: how can this be true?  How can you, who created such beautiful comedy about life and love and marriage and children and intellect, also have in you the ability to just shut off your humanity like that?  Just become numb to what you’re doing to another human being right in front you, who trusts you, who admires you, who wants your help?  That’s pretty brutal. How can a father to four daughters, a husband with a smart and beautiful wife do such dirty, vile, callous things to women?  I’m no prude, I’ve nothing against doing dirty and vile things, but Bill, I do believe everyone involved should be conscious!

You did create all that comedy, and you did create all that tragedy.  Being as intelligent as you are I’m sure you’ve thought about it over the years.  The irony, the hypocrisy, the hostility of your acts must have kept you up nights.  Where did you put it all?

Maybe you didn’t put it anywhere and that’s what kept you going.  You chose not to process it because you knew what that would make you: not a loving father, not a devoted husband, not a thoughtful comic, nothing short of a monster.  So, you kept at it, thinking if you were really all that bad someone would stop you, right?

Maybe that’s why you related those stories about your kids so well.  It was really you who couldn’t keep his hands out of the cookie jar.  There never was any real genius observation behind your comedy.  It was really just you that you were talking about all along.

Some friends of mine recently had a baby and we went to see him for the first time.  I found myself starting to reference one of your jokes about being a new parent and I started, “It’s like that Bill Cosby joke…” and at the mention of your name suddenly everyone’s face grew deadpan.  The smiles dropped.
The joy was sucked out of the air.  Time stopped.  I felt ashamed that I had uttered such a dirty word in front of their newborn child.

That’s what your legacy is now, Bill.

Maybe it won’t be in 50 years or 100 years, but right now, while you live out the remainder of your sad silly life, that’s what people will
do when someone says, “Bill Cosby”.